I’m leaving the church and proud of it.

This summer I am walking away from the church that I have grown to love over the last 9 years not because I am breaking up with the church or because there are donuts across the street, or the music is too loud or not loud enough... but because our family is moving to Ottawa, Canada.  

I wasn’t always so in love with church.  I remember being 16 and lazy and not wanting to get out of bed for church and my father talking to me in his serious voice.  

“Your mother wants you to go to church with her.   Look, it’s up to you whether you go or not, but if you believe in your God, you need to BE with your PEOPLE.  You can’t win a war without an army.”  

My father, the military man, the one who listened to his Meatloaf albums on Sunday mornings. The agnostic. HE is the one who pierced my heart with the church speech. Not at that moment, but years later would those words hit me so deeply.  My dad has been married to my mother for 45 years and looking back, I now know he was the perfect person to deliver that message because church like marriage is SO worth staying the course.  It's worth pursuing, committing to and investing in.   

My grandmother once told me Karen, if your new neighbors don’t show up with a pie, well then you just bake that pie and be the one to bring it to them! But OH did the women of ACF bake those pies..in the form of love, prayers, friendships, gifts, faith, mentorship and service. CHURCH!  The people at Austin Christian Fellowship don’t wear special t-shirts that make their groups appear exclusive.  They wear inclusive inspiring t-shirts that say: “You can sit with me”, and  “Growing in Grace.”  They yield swords that carve “truth lives here.”  They speak words of “I was lost, but now I’m found and I was fearful, but now I’m FREE!”  CHURCH.      

I am proud to be leaving this church...because I will carry with me so many lessons learned from the people who poured into me, people who modeled what faith is, who spoke truth into my life, whole communities who prayed hand in hand for waters to rise and cancers to fall. People who invited me into their homes and hearts and stories. The ones who taught me how to set a table and pray over the women who would fill the chairs around it. The women who taught me how to die to my self and how to step up to lead even when it was scary and I felt completely unqualified.  Each of them has taught me how to put on the armor of God, how to stay the course in friendship, in marriage...and in church.     

I am FOREVER GRATEFUL for the things I have learned.  For these people and THIS CHURCH.     

I am four years old.  My mother is helping me pray to ask Jesus into my heart.  I tell him our address in case he needs help with that.  We live at 39 Manarsky Cres. in Ottawa, Canada on the military base, where my father is learning about commitment and marriage and where he is being trained for so much more than he has signed up for.     

How I ever ended up married with two kids and a dog living in TEXAS is beyond me!!!  And all these years later we are called BACK.  Full circle.  HOME to Ottawa,Canada.  Home to where I first invited Jesus IN as that little girl.  How sweet and beautiful the gifts of the Lord are when we follow Him.              

  

ps.  Guess what?  It’s all connected.  Marriage.  Church.  God.   Stay the course friends!  In good times and in bad... and bake those pies!  Raise your hands.  Wear the t-shirt that says “you can sit with me.”  Have the party you wish you were invited to.  Pray non-stop!  Chase God with your whole heart!  Go to church!  You will find a warm inviting light and PEOPLE who want to help you see it!  And the best gift of all?... In HIM you will find HOME.  

Here's the skinny on weight.

Recently a grown woman pinched my leg and demanded “WHY are you so skinny!?”  

“Bony butt” (6th grade)

“Chicken legs!”  (9th grade)

“We don’t like skinny people like you!”  (Outburst of laughter.)  (Two friends) 

“ You’re so lucky you can wear anything you want...if only I was a size______” 

“Go eat a cheeseburger!” (At a blood drive...was told I was too skinny to donate blood, then told to go eat a cheeseburger)

Pinched, snubbed, heckled, laughed at, envied,  judged.  JUDGED.  j u d g e d

Here’s the deal.   It’s not ok to pinch me.  It’s not ok to point and judge me as if I’ve stolen the skinny gene that belongs to someone else.  I am not a thief.  It’s not ok to pinch someone’s cheeks and tell them they’re fat and it’s not ok to pinch someones knees and tell them their skinny.   

Can’t we just ALL stop talking about weight and be done with it?  

We are all UNIQUE.  Stop comparing.  Stop judging.  Stop obsessing, criticizing,  worshipping, longing for and lusting after something that doesn’t belong to you.  YOU belong to YOU.  YOU are perfect the way God made you.  PERFECT in His image. Beautiful.  WORTHY.  (And if weight is your struggle then please throw away your bully of a scale, don’t buy into fashion magazines and please please please don’t beat yourself up.  The woman next to you does not have the secret, nor does that blog or that pill or that super star diet that everyone is talking about.  We as a society need to stop being SLAVES to the idea of “skinny” and start living FREELY in the body God has uniquely designed for us.)  Life is SHORT.  VERY VERY SHORT.  Let’s start LOVING ourselves and our friends just the way they are without pinching, judging and comparing.  We will all be dust one day.  DUST!  How many hours a day do we want to spend stressing over the size and shape of our BODIES.  FLESH!  GROSS.  Let’s breath air into our lungs and thank GOD for our LIVES.  If we have breath, we have life and if we have life let’s be grateful!  

Being skinny is not something to punish and not something to reward.

Do you know how often I whisper in my daughters ear...”Being skinny is NOT the prize, don’t chase after it baby.  Don’t.  You are healthy.  Beautiful."  Our daughters are listening to the compliments and the judgements we receive and they are thinking about how their own bodies measure up.  The truth is, the only size we need to worry about is the size of our love.  Love does not wear a size 2 or a size 20.  It wears kindness, compassion, honesty, empathy, encouragement and thanksgiving and unity.     

Skinny is NOT the prize.    

Being ALIVE and appreciative of every moment of every day with all you got to give is.  THAT’S what we should run after.  A deep down gratitude of our creator.  Anything else is just plain worship or judgement.  

So hands off of fat.  Hands off of skinny.  Let’s put our hands all over healthy...let’s put our hands all over LIFE and living!  Better yet, let’s put our hands TOGETHER and see each other as EQUAL.  AMEN?    

STOP. BODY. SHAMING.

What does it look like to carry your cross.

Years ago a mentor friend introduced me to the concept of “Dying to yourself.”  I initially thought, that sounds horrible, and what does it really mean?  The world tells us to take selfies, be STRONG, Girl power, leave your marriage if he isn’t making you “happy”.  BE competitive.  STRIVE.  Collect more, have more, BE MORE.  Dying to yourself is the exact opposite of the power the world says you can achieve.  I learned through my friends example and through the bible that dying to yourself is about service, sacrifice and sanctification.  It has tremendous power.   It can stop arguments, infidelity and divorce.  It uncovers truth and shines light on unconditional love.  It brings freedom and hope.  It quiets jealousy and calls out our unique gifts.  It is essentially serving God and others instead of serving ourselves.  Think of a woman shoving her way through a line at a banquet to stuff her plate full of food before anyone else gets a chance.  Might as well imagine her taking a selfie with her little pink cell phone before she pushes her way back through the crowd to get the best seat in the house.  Now think of that same woman politely stepping aside with a smile so an elderly couple can go first.  1. Self.  2. Dying to self.           

It looks like laying down our expectations of how we think our kids should perform and our husbands should act on Saturdays.  

It looks like yielding when we think we have the answers and asking God first what should come out of our mouths.

It looks like serving the community...without seeking recognition.

It looks like respecting our elders...that includes inlaws people!  ;)  In words.  In actions.  In sacrifice.

It looks like getting up in the dark to brew coffee and prepare breakfast for the people that live in our homes.

It looks like not comparing ourselves to others, but rejoicing over their successes, over their miracles, over their joys.

It looks like not striving to achieve, but sitting still to listen.

It looks like honoring our spouses by the words we use to describe them.

It looks like setting a table for others, not for the compliments, but to create a space where people can feel loved and cared for.  

It looks like not counting numbers or likes or seeking the approval of others.  It looks like seeking the will of God.

It looks like encouraging others and calling out their gifts.  It looks like pouring out ALL of our gifts without asking God for payment.

It looks like leaving a job without listing everything we've contributed, and instead listing everything we've appreciated.  

It looks like continuing to praise God despite the pain in our bodies.

It looks like choosing to call out beauty and light in the darkest of places.  

It looks like total surrender to the one who holds the true power. 

It looks like taking the time to be on time, to show up, to mentor, to listen and to pour into another woman. 

It looks like taking a step toward Jesus even when we are completely broken, battered, lost, hungry and hurting....because  there He is to put out his hand and say I KNOW suffering.  I know YOU.  I know.  And in THAT moment, looking at Him, you are completely KNOWN.  You are a new creation in Him.     

Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice.  For carrying your cross so we could be free in you.  Thank you for modeling what it looks like to have FAITH even when everything hurts in this world.  Thank you that because of YOU we never have to stop having hope.  We love you Lord and this Easter, we honor YOU and the fullness of your sacrifice for US and we choose to seek you above all else.  In Jesus name Amen.    

John 3:3-7

Happy Easter Weekend everyone!  Enjoy the moment you’re in and take some time to reflect on the life of Jesus and what his sacrifice means to you personally.  

7 Ways To Honor Another Woman.

SEE HER THE WAY GOD SEES HER. 

A work in progress.  A masterpiece.  Unique.  Worthy.  Don’t compare yourself to her.  Love her, encourage her.  And when you get to know her long enough to begin to see her flaws...love her MORE.     

RESPECT BOUNDARIES WITH HUSBANDS

When you’re in the company of another couple, is your main focus on the woman or the man?  Do you enjoy the attention of the husband?  Do you really need to touch his arm, bat your eyelashes and tell him your life story?  While you might say you are just being “friendly”,  SHE sees it, feels it and is offended by your flirtations.  Get to know HER.  Support, respect and honor HER and her marriage.  While HE doesn't need another wife,  SHE might very well need another friend.     

           

TELL THE TRUTH

If we pretend everything is good all the time, then we miss the opportunity for healing, teaching, learning and growing.  Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share your heart with another woman.  I’m not saying you have to gush about your horrible past with painstaking detail in a puddle of tears.  I’m saying, get real.  Be honest.  Admit where you struggle.  Don’t try and one up a woman.  Sometimes taking a humble step back opens up space.  Space to hear one another and to speak truth into each others lives.

DON’T TRY AND FIT CIRCLES INTO SQUARES

If you’re friend is an introvert, then don’t be frustrated with her when she declines your invitation to neighborhood book club dinners.  She is an INTROVERT.  She likes to be at HOME in her pajamas reading the book.  She likes you.  She really does.  But now that you know her, honor her differences, meet her where she’s at.  Bend a little, and she will too.  

GENUINE COMPLIMENTS

Lift each other up!  Women can be really good at comparing and criticizing other women.  UGH!  If you have trouble with this, enter into a 3 step program immediately and move on.  Here we go.  Step 1.  Deal with your past.  Forgive yourself and begin to love yourself as you are.  Step 2.  See all women as unique, beautiful people, created in His image for a purpose.  Step 3. Lift her up and compliment her in the ways you most admire.  We women can be hard on ourselves at times.  A genuine compliment from another woman is more encouraging than you know.       

 ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR RUNNING MATES.  

If you run in the same circles with women that you have never acknowledged, ask yourself WHY?  Are you competing with her?  Do you think you’re better than she is or are you intimidated by her?   Change your thinking and reach out.  You’ve been missing something special.  We can’t be best friends with every single woman we meet, but we can honor each other in our comings and goings.    

If a woman is on your Facebook and you’ve never connected with her, then why are you COLLECTING her?  She isn’t a trinket.  She‘s a treasure.  Think she doesn’t notice you ignoring her?  She does.  Send her a note RIGHT NOW.  Stop collecting friends and start connecting with them.  Honor the women in your path.              

BE OPEN TO MAKING FRIENDS WITH WOMEN WHO ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOU

 Older, younger, different race, religion and zip code.  Be open to seeing beauty in ALL women and be blessed by the friendships you cultivate.  The prettiest gardens are the ones with many kinds of flowers.  Honor each woman’s unique story.  Learn from her.  Share with her.  Laugh and cry with her. But most of all, know that God always puts us in community for a reason and sometimes for only a short season.  Perhaps we will never know our purpose in the season we’re in, but when we are living in the moment with our eyes and ears intentionally opened, the holy spirit will guide us on when  to speak a kind word or lend a gentle hand or provide a safe place for another woman.      

Final thoughts:

Recently while at the mall, a sweet older woman pushed her walker up to me slowly.  She asked me how I tied my scarf so that the embroidery would be in the front.  I put down my things and in the middle of the kitchen section of Macy’s, began to tie her scarf around her in a new way.  Gently.  Intentionally.  The way MY friend had taught me.  I noticed the name embroidered on her scarf.  “Milly.”  I spoke her name out loud and told her how lovely she was.  Our entire exchange was only about 2 minutes but days later I was STILL thinking about her and what she taught me in those few moments.  Women need other women.  In the grocery store.  In the school hallways.  At work.  In church.  At the mall.  In our homes.  A smile.  A helping hand.  A recipe.  Honest words.  A shoulder to cry on.  A hug.  Encouragement.  Grace.  Love.  Lessons on scarf tying.  WOMEN NEED OTHER WOMEN.  Let’s honor each other in Jesus name.

Amen.

It Won't Last Forever.

No-one told me I would have to go through puberty twice.  Yes.  TWICE.  Because when you’re a mom, you feel the things your daughters go through so here I go again with the mood swings and the drama, the tears and the insecurity, the changes and the embarrassments.  But this time around I have something I didn’t have the first time.  Women friends I can talk to, cry with and get advice from.  Women who can speak truth to me like my friend Danna who reminded me that we don’t have to just accept the labels that hormones can post like sticky notes on our girls to make them feel bad about themselves.  We can claim something MORE for them right now.  We can pray out loud over them.  We can look them in the eyes and say YOU are worthy.  YOU are beautifully His.  YOU are created in His image and created for purpose.   And when we speak HIS WORDS with conviction over our children, they trust us, they believe us, they listen.  When truth is spoken in a home where hurt resides, there is nowhere for pain to go but out.  I’m not saying that one prayer over your child at bedtime is going to make everything instantly better but I’m telling you that that ONE prayer does plant a seed of courage and hope in your child.  And by praying every night out loud over our children, no matter their age, we are modeling who and where we get our strength from.  So girls AND moms.  Those hormones?  That puberty?  It might feel like you’re on a roller coaster right now, but it’s not going to last and it’s so not who you ARE.  Keep your eyes on Jesus and I promise He will guide your path and get you through it.         

When I say these words to my daughter “It won’t last forever” it’s as if I’ve opened a window that was once frozen shut, and a beautiful warm breeze blows into the room.  Because when life gets hard, all you want to know is that the pain you’re feeling won’t last and that something good will take it’s place.

My daughter with wide brown eyes stares at me when I speak these words. 

“It WON’T always be this way and you WILL be ok.”  

“But why is it so hard," she asks as her lip quivers.

 “Because, you feel things deeply. You hurt deep but you also love large and that’s so GOOD!  Your heart is as big as an ocean honey!  And you know what?  God can do amazing things with oceans.  Imagine if all he had to work with was a puddle? He might get a couple of worms in a puddle.  But with an ocean?  He can get at least a few thousand mermaids into an ocean.  How beautiful and powerful is that”  

“Mermaids aren’t real mom!”  

“Mermaids are totally real, I say without blinking or taking a breath.”

We giggle a little.  I wipe her tears.  And just like that the pain is a little less.  Because pain doesn’t last forever.  God promises that.  

What about your hurt?  This day?  His cancer?  Her pain?  My worry?  Puberty?  That boy who said all those untruths?  It will ALL wash away like an ocean wave, and the Lord will open a window to reveal something so new and beautiful, our knees will bend, our eyes will sparkle and our mouths will declare the Glory of the King of Kings!

  Whatever you’re going through or witnessing or feeling or grieving, know that The Lord wants to turn your pain into something beautiful.  If you don’t believe me, grab a neighbor and go for coffee.  Ask her if she’s ever experienced something painful.  Then ask how she got through it.  Start the discussion.  

I’m Karen Harrison and I’m surviving puberty for the second time.  (Raising my coffee mug to you moms out there) oh...and my girl?  She’s taking those sticky labels OFF and learning how to put The armor of God ON.  Oh yeah!  ;)  

Make THIS the year you put your dream into action.

Because she had a dream in her heart

Because someone believed in her

Because she was brave...

Her beauty spilled out and over.

Your light shines Bright Brandy!       

Friend her on Facebook: Brandy Taylor Barr.

Hug her at Church: Austin Christian Fellowship

Love her new blog: www.brandybarr.wordpress.com

ACF Ladies, love on this woman, because when you applaud a sister, you applaud The Lord’s plan for her life...and in the process it might make you feel brave too.  Hand in hand we are sisters becoming what He created us to be.  

Happy New Year.  Happy NEW endeavor.  

   

      

Merry Christmas From ACF WOMEN!

This Christmas as we string lights, bake cookies and open our gifts, let’s remember to stop in the midst of it all and take a picture.  No, not a selfie. Not a picture where the lens is focused on US but a picture that comes when we stop and are so present in the moment that gratitude floods our hearts, spilling over and we’re able to see the true meaning of Christmas.  Let’s take THAT picture and let it hang in the gallery of our hearts all year through.              

And now just for FUN: 12 days of Christmas gifts every woman should give herself!   

1. Stillness.  I CHALLENGE YOU!  

2. Hot herbal tea and a warm bath by the glow of a candle (add chocolate for maximum pleasure)

3. Serve the community - it will give you a better glow than the spa!

4. Get out of the house...GO!  NOW!  RUN!  Open your eyes and ears to nature

5. Permission to not overspend. Don’t over buy. - more stuff = the need for managing stuff = less time = stress!   

6. Time- coffee with a friend and good conversation.  Hear her heart and share yours.

7. Forgiveness- Time to let go of any grudges.  Unforgiveness is like tree sap.  It sticks to you until you tap into it and turn it into something sweet.  

8. A warm blanket.  Because every woman I know is always cold in winter. And because blankets say “hope”  They say I hope someone will snuggle with me and share the love!

9. A life verse:  Give yourself a verse from the bible that you memorize and claim any time anywhere for any reason.  It’s like having a gold visa card only no-one can steal it and the gift it buys you is priceless.

10. LOVE and laughter.  Believe that you are worthy of unconditional love and see the humor in the things that normally make you crazy. Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Life is beautiful and so are YOU!

11. An ACF Women's t-shirt!  Yes.  Not just any t-shirt.  A t-shirt to live and GROW IN GRACE in.  Seriously... a soft, comfy, flattering and awesome hug.  Get yours today!  ;)

12. A personal relationship with the coolest, most awesome loving, caring, unchanging guy in the whole universe.  Someone who will never break your heart.  Someone who will always listen to you, never leave you and who cares enough to know how many hairs are on your head.  That GUY is Jesus.  Get to know HIM and your life will never be the same again.         

Have a Merry Christmas Sisterhood!  Pass on the things that truly matter!