Facing Fear

Devastating reports of loss and sadness fill the news and I weep for those whose voices will never be heard, whose legs will never work again and whose hearts have been broken.

A man.  No.  A boy, curls in the bowels of a bloodied boat, a white tarp flapping in the wind above him.  What must he be thinking?  What did he do?  And why?  I weep for him too.  For innocence lost.  I tell my husband, it’s like he’s in a cocoon in that boat. He will emerge a changed man, but not in the way it’s supposed to be.   For this I weep deeply.  

Days later I walk my daughter to school.  I see a young man in black.  I notice his back pack.  Also black.  His ball cap.  Black.  I watch him walk into the school without a child.  My heart quickens.  By the time I get back home from dropping my daughter off, I am a mess.  Sobbing into my husbands arms.  What if?  What if?  

I take it to The Lord.  What do I do with this?  Do I call the school?  

The Lord speaks two words to me.  “My will.”  

And in my panic I say: “So you want me to just sit back and watch the school blow up because it’s your will?”

That’s what fear does.

It turns somebody’s daddy into a terrorist right before your eyes.  

The Holy Spirit prompted me to speak the Lords prayer and in those moments I understood that he was asking me to trust him.  To turn to HIM.  So as hard as it was for me and my big ugly imagination, I went about my day trusting the Lord, not running to the school creating panic.  

At the end of the day when I picked up my daughter I saw the same man walk right past me and look me in the eye.  He smiled.  I smiled back.  Somebody’s daddy. 

What fears are you facing right now in your life? 

We can overcome our fear in the midst of dark days if we seek the Lord.

Deuteronomy 13:4 Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice and cling to him. 

Be Still and Know

In honor of National Poetry Month

The stench of

blood marked wood

rots the air

a crown of thorns

pierce 

as moaning cries for mercy

catch the winds breath

a pure heart beats 

in blazing sun

and breaks 

to greet the maker

Today

You eat in a fancy restaurant

that you carefully critique

your purse is

stitched to perfection

on your lap

children dressed in fine linen

lap up cake

and sleep deeply in the afternoon

with bellies full 

you fuss over laundry, bills

and pour over lists of wants

A whisper caresses your ear

as you greet the breeze of an opened window

BE STILL AND KNOW

and the image of the cross

blood

agony

purpose

spils over you

humbled

in the presence

of a miracle

that changed the earth 

so long ago

you weep 

and give thanks

in the still of the afternoon sun

The Complete Picture

My husband asked me when I thought would be a good age to let our 9 year old watch “The passion of the Christ”.  My immediate answer was NEVER!  I can barely sit through that movie without being completely devastated.  Come to think of it, I told him rather passionately, even your 78 year old mother has a hard time with it.  No.  She can NEVER watch it.  EVER.  He accepted what I was saying because he is a wise man and wouldn’t think to argue with an overprotective mama bear who hasn’t had her morning coffee yet.  But after he left the room I really thought about my words.  NEVER.  I don’t ever want my baby girl to be devastated by the ugly bloody mess that Jesus endured for us.  And then it was like each of those words became a puzzle piece connecting together to make a clear picture.  Forgiveness.  The word as fresh as a white sheet blowing in the summer wind.  Do I want my daughter to understand the fullness of that word?  Yes!  Even if it causes some devastation?  Deep breath.  Yes.  

I want her to have the complete picture.  

Maybe the Passion of the Christ is not an appropriate movie for kids, in fact I think it’s Restricted so for sure not something we would allow, but the question of it’s content has made me think about how much we share with our kids and how much we hold back because we want to try and protect them.  

In bed we give thanks for everything in our little world, and I say a silent prayer for my girls to have the complete picture of  forgiveness...mess and all, but the mama in me wants desperately to add "please don't make it hurt"  I want to be the boss.  To be the one to get to shield their eyes and protect their hearts and say NO to scary movies.  I want the last word.  I do. 

I pull 2 quilts over 2 little girls, kiss their heads and hear that ever so soft whisper say: "My plan.  My timing."  and I understand that as the mother of these precious ones, my job is not to be the boss...my real job is to listen to their maker...the one who holds the complete picture in His hands.       

 Ephesians 1:7-10 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

TRUST

Recently I took a trip to visit my sister in Vancouver.  GO VISIT YOUR SISTER.  I highly recommend it!  However, I have to confess that days and even weeks before my departure, I had terrible anxiety about going.  All kinds of terrible thoughts and scenarios played in my mind.  Things like: #1. What if the plane crashes and my kids are left without a mother!  #2. What if the plane crashes, my kids are left without a mother and the laundry is undone.  #3. WHAT IF the plane crashes, my kids are left without a mother, the laundry is undone and the kids go to school in dirty clothes without anyone to tell them about how babies are born!  Exhausting right?  Well, that was my brain leading up to the trip.  Yes, when we love someone SO much like we do our kids and spouses, the very thought of losing them stirs up emotions that feed our fears like no tomorrow.  Who wants to live a life in fear?  Well, my story does have a happy ending.  

In walks a little "friend intervention."    

Janie: How are you?  

Me: Great!  I’m going to visit my sister tomorrow

Janie: That is just precious Karen.  I hope you have a really good time.

Me: Thanks.  But I’m kinda nervous about going.  I have this feeling something bad is going to happen to me.

Janie: It’s a real lesson in trust isn’t it?

Me: Eyelash blink 

You have to LOVE your girlfriends!  Those friend interventions can really bring you back to reality.  Truly.  When in doubt...bump into your Christian girlfriends...the ones that can remind us that when we TRUST in our creator, all fear evaporates in the blink of an eye!  I am happy to say the trip was a success! I arrived home safely to two happy little girls, laundry to keep me busy, and a husband who is so thankful that he does NOT have to be the one to tell our daughters about the birds and the bees.  Thank you Janie!  Thank you Jesus!   

Psalm 37:5

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act

Happy New Year! What now?

A new year rings in.  The tree comes down and memories of yet another Christmas get stored away along with boxes of decorations.  Resolutions are made.  Children file back to school.  The house is cleaned. Bills are payed.  Quiet spills in with winter sunlight.  Another holiday season over.  The only thing left to do is ask “what now?”  

What will happen in 2013?  What paths will your feet walk for the next 365 days?  Whose heart will you touch?  What choices will you make?  Is there someone’s eyes you will look into and ask forgiveness?  Is this the year you will launch a career, walk down the isle, watch your son fly from the nest, pen a novel, grow a garden, slow down from chasing something, get off the couch and live boldly, hold a newborn in your arms, move somewhere new? 

Every morning when you wake, hundreds of decisions get put into motion.  Maybe you think none of them amount to very much, but then again maybe every decision is a choice that can have an impact on the kingdom for all eternity.  

Thank God for the year that has passed.  Ask Him to guide your path in the days to come.  Put your worries at His feet.  Thank Him for all He has done and watch as your question “What now?” becomes a beautiful picture of what His timing and your trust in His authority over your life can bring.  

Philippians 4:6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Christmas

Before we are even able to sit at our thanksgiving tables and give thanks the world shouts “Christmas”!  Hurry or you’ll be left behind!  Shop!  Buy!  Spend!  Decorate!  Organize!  And suddenly there are 50 emails that weren’t there before about savings you just can’t pass up!  Fed Ex is working overtime.  Packages are piled high at your door.  Mothers are flocking to department stores to find the perfect Christmas attire for the perfect photos and green and red outfits for each day of the week.  Families are stressed.  Husbands are hunched over their computers looking at finances.  Wives are striving for perfection and drinking hoards of coffee to keep them running like hamsters on wheels.  Kids are circling every single toy in the catalogue for Santa.  It’s madness.  It’s overwhelming.  It’s Christmas?

Yesterday, my doorbell rang.  It was a package from one of my dearest friends.  I opened it and had to sit down for a minute.  It was a book.  I turned the crisp pages carefully and studied the words, letting them pour over me and into my spirit.  As I did, the world got quiet.  My to-do lists vanished and in that moment, even the most beautiful decoration I had could not compete with the words on the page.       

I read: “If we could condense all the truths of Christmas into only three words, these would be the words: “God with us.”

“God saw what the world most desperately needed, and what He chose to give us was Himself....This is the message of Christmas."  

The stuff that our humans eyes crave on earth, are merely dust in the wind compared to the treasures our spirits will inherit in heaven when we meet our maker.  And the story of  our maker...the Christmas story is the only gift whose wrappings can bring peace until we get there.  

This Christmas, let the true meaning adorn you.  It will be the most beautiful decoration you’ve ever had in your home and your heart.

When Church Feels Like a Chore

Do you ever have this kind of self talk on a Sunday morning: 

The kids look so darn cute in their pajamas and they are playing so nicely together!  Why ruin a good thing by snapping fingers and demanding that everyone get dressed in frilly dresses and uncomfortable fancy shoes?  Why not just EASE into Sunday with coffee, a pancake and omelet breakfast and some cuddle time with the family?  There are plenty of church programs on tv you can tune into to quiet that guilty conscience of yours.  Some of them even have real “feel good” preachers so you can go about your day feeling motivated and inspired.  You have so much to do around the house too, so staying home and getting things done is such a wise decision.  The garage floor needs sweeping, the drawers need cleaning out and you really should go through all the stuffed animals and give some to goodwill before Christmas.  You are just too busy for church!    

OK, so what’s the deal?  There will always be 101 reasons to stay in your pajamas on a Sunday, but the number ONE reason to get out of bed and out of your house and into a house of worship IS....because God has invited you.  It’s as simple as that.  It’s not because it will make you a better person, or because the church needs you to work in childcare, or because you should be seen as the woman who goes to church.  

It’s because God invites us to worship Him.   

If you are having issues with going to church, take it to God.  Tell Him you are having a hard time with whatever it is.  The music, the teaching, the lack of donuts in the foyer.  Whatever it is, big or small, God is the only one that can fill your heart and soul with what you feel is missing.  But here’s the deal.  He wants you there.  So He can fill you in community.  So you can be a light to someone who needs it.  So you can hear yourself say: "Why yes, King of Kings, I would lOVE to accept your invitation!  

See you on Sunday friends.  It’s been a while.  

Love

Karen