What I've Learned About Cancer.

When one of our dear friends was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, a beloved mentor friend said to me: “pay attention to what you are meant to learn during your walk with this family”  

Flash forward several months.  I have learned a lot about cancer.  

I have learned that cancers job is to multiply and grow.

I have learned that even if you leave 1% of the cancer cells on a brain tumor from surgery, that cancer will grow back and multiply. 

I have learned that there is a new chemo pill you can take, so you no longer have to go to the hospital to get your chemo treatments.

I have learned that cancer is an aggressive, ugly, painful disease.

I have learned that cancer doesn’t just affect the person who has it.  It affects families and communities.  

But I don’t think those were the things I was “meant” to learn.   

This weekend we participated in a run to support our friend on his journey through cancer.  150 people showed up wearing a T-shirt that his 10 year old son designed.  It says “God is Able.”  And it shows his dad in the boat while a shark below has his mouth wide open to the “cancer fish” swimming around. Those words “God is Able” have become the food we eat and the wine we drink. And that man in the boat?  He believes he is already healed.   

We watched this lovely man walk around all day receiving hugs and well wishes, he was prayed over and loved and supported.  People came from near and far to wrap their arms around him and his wife and children.

We witnessed prayers by a sweet woman who has loved this family like her own.  Who, despite falling down the stairs and injuring her leg, runs this race with this family in so many ways.  And there are over 100 more people just like this, who are praying for healing and who show up, with meals, with words, with hugs, with support of every kind and with “God is Able” in their hearts.   

After everything I’ve learned about this thing called cancer, I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter how ugly cancer is, how long it will last or where it will travel because the one thing cancer can’t touch is LOVE.  It can touch the body, but not the spirit.  

Cancer can’t touch love.

CANCER CAN’T TOUCH LOVE!!!

When we shift our focus from the cancer to the love, there is so much beauty to behold.  So many blessings.  

Near the end of the day a little boy ran over to our friend and tapped on his arm to get his attention and he said this:  Excuse me, but did you know that you’re famous?  I thought to myself yes, man made weak, God made strong.  We make God famous in our weakness because of the way we need to lean on God and because of the way it pulls out our love for one another pointing to the giver of ever lasting life. 

And so I will have tea with my mentor friend one day soon and tell her of the things I have learned.  I will tell her that I’ve learned that cancer can’t touch love and that of all the ugliness I’ve seen our friend go through, I’ve also seen him walking in peace, in hope, in faith and in love.  God bless him.      

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for this beautiful family.  Thank you for putting them in our lives.  For the opportunity to love them and share life on earth with them.  We love you Lord.  We thank you for every breath, every moment, every time we suffer and struggle and every time we lift up our arms in complete joy and thanksgiving because we know that ALL of it is a part of your plan, wrapped in YOUR love forever and ever.  Amen.  

1 Corinthians 2:5

So that your faith might not rest on human wisdom but on God’s power.  

1 Corinthians 13 1-3

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.  If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it, but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.   

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

The Quilt

She brought it out into the sunlight from the flooded basement.  She washed it again and again and presented it to me on my 40’th birthday.  

“It was the last quilt your grandmother was working on before she passed,” my aunt said, wiping her hands on her apron, a pot roast bubbling in her kitchen.  

“It’s not finished, but I thought you would like to have it.”

In that moment I felt the kind of love you feel when you’re a child.  I knelt on the floor to study it like it was treasure.  Patches of clothing from generations woven together by my grandmother as she sat by the window watching the birds... 

A stranger at my door quickly became my friend as we sat at my dining room table and talked about restoring the quilt,  chatting about family, relationships and grandmothers.  She showed me the places to start.  The tools to use.  Her tone was patient and gentle.  Sweet like a songbird. When she left I laid the quilt out on the floor and took OUT every stitch my grandmother had so carefully sewed IN so I could remove the moldy wool batting inside.  I separated the front and back so we could make two quilts...one for each of my daughters.  I pinned the patches back together exactly where my grandma had intended them to be and then handed it back to my new friend to sew them together again.  All this work to save some old fabric....

The quilts came back beautiful and vibrant, cozy and smelling like sunshine and fabric softener.  Prayed over.  NEW.   Pieces of my daughters clothing had been added to them...dresses when they were babies and special christmas pajamas.  I can’t wait to give the girls these gifts.      

My grandmother has made a handful of quilts and given them to family members across the globe.  I have imagined her in her farmhouse working away on these blankets. Imagined her putting down the thread to have tea with my Grandfather or take a break to feed the barn cats.  I hear her phone ringing with news of a new baby.  See the butter tarts baking in her oven, and the plants growing in her kitchen to bring to a widow at church.  She is there with a glass at the sink taking her pills and waiting for my sister to arrive for a weekend visit.  She is watering her hydrangeas in the afternoon sun while grandpa works in his shop building boats.  I see a buckets of blueberries waiting to be placed in the pies she’ll make, the cows mooing at her laundry strung across the clothes line in the mountain air.  I imagine her putting her sewing in a basket by the bed before she kisses my grandfather goodnight by lamplight.       

My dear Grandmother.  Your memory is ALIVE when I think about these quilts and the sweetness of your ordinary days working on them. 

Taking the stitches OUT of your quilt brought me closer to you, gave me time to think about you, appreciate you.  And seeing them put back IN...reminds me of the redeeming beauty of the Lord’s work...how when we find ourselves in dark places, the damp and mold seeping in, making us feel unworthy,  the Lord lifts us out into the light, and then begins the work of unravelling the lies of the world, stitching back TRUTH until we are NEW and beautiful and feel like we once again have something to offer.  So yes, ALL this work to save some old fabric was worth it...there is so much beauty in restoring what was lost.  

Thank you God...for taking us out of the dark and making us new....your people...a quilt of many colors blowing in the wind. 

Baptism

Our daughter was born a tiny 6 pounds 1 ounce.  She was sweet and delicate, her skin like a butterflies wing against my cheek.  I shared a room with another mother who’s precious baby cried all through the night.  I held Paige against me and covered us with the white hospital sheets to shield her from the noise.  She slept so peacefully I kept waking up just to make sure she was still breathing.

Paige was baptized the week of her 10th birthday. Covered in water with a promise.  I watched her step away from me and her father toward a life of complete trust of the one who can give her much more than a sheet of protection.  I whispered a thank you for this gift of a girl who was now big enough to make decisions all on her own.  

Sometimes we hold them close, not wanting to let go.  Shielding them as if our protection is always a good thing.  The right thing.  The only thing.  I waited so long to baptize Paige.  She asked and asked and I presented my list of reasons to wait.  I asked myself, is she really ready?  I wanted my parents there.  A sunny day. The perfect timing.  MY perfect timing.  Our children aren’t really OURS.  They’re on loan from HIM.  That’s when I heard loud and clear “It’s not about YOU... don’t wait. don’t wait.”

What about you mama?  Do you have a little boy or girl who loves The Lord?  Have they asked to be baptized?  When they asked, what was your response? 

After Paige was baptized women have come up to me to tell me that they witnessed that special day.  A teacher in Paige’s school, a woman in children’s ministry, a lady in my bible study... each woman spoke with tears in her eyes.  Each mama’s heart wanting so much for their own child to chase after The Lord.  To proclaim it.  Some of the women shared stories of their child’s baptism while others said, “I’ve waited, and I don’t know why.”  

It takes courage to stand in front of your church and commit to following The Lord.  But when you do, you make people feel brave.  You show them the beauty of not waiting.            

So when is the right time?  Is it when your child is perfect and mature and can recite the entire bible by memory?  No.  The time is right when they ask.   And your response out of obedience should be YES!  

His timing is perfect while our timing is filled with expectations.  If your child has said YES to God, put those white sheets on the line and let them blow in the wind.  It’s ok to let go, step back and watch your child follow through with one of the most important decisions they will ever make.  His robe of righteousness is more than enough.  It is everything.     

ABOUT BAPTISM

WHAT:  The act of baptism is not to make God love you more.  It’s to show that you are committing to follow and love Him.  

WHO: Anyone who has been baptized and who loves Jesus can baptize.

Anyone who has asked Jesus into their hearts and would like to follow Him can be baptized

WHERE: ACF church 

WHEN: ACF will hold baptism services every 2nd weekend during family worship.   The next baptism will take place on February 8/9.

CONTACT: Julie Washington for more information at julie@acfellowship.org.  512-381-5714

A Prayer For You This Year

Our eyes take in His light

Breathing in the beauty of trees that sway in the wind 

We are nourished by living water

Cleansed by the blood of ancient days

Our feet mark paths on earth

That disappear over time

While our souls seek truth

That lead us into eternity

Dear Lord Jesus, wherever this precious woman may go this year, may her path be marked with your Grace

May she feel

Redeemed

Restored

Revived

And may her soul search for beauty in every breath

Oh this sweet child of God

She is bright

When her eyes are on you and everything you have created for your glory

That your holy name be Magnified.  

Amen

Let your name be magnified forever, saying, 'Yahweh of Armies is God over Israel; and the house of your servant David shall be established before you.' - 2 Samuel 7:26

The Most Beautiful Gift

She holds my hand and gently sweeps the polish on to my nails

Kelly is on her name tag but I know it’s not the name her mother gave her

Home is Vietnam, she says with her broken smile

I’ve seen pictures of this place

Half naked children playing in fields

A history of war

Sunsets that split the sky and earth

She looks at my little one getting her nails polished and watching a fairy movie.  

"We came here for a better life when my daughter was her size" she says.

I feel ashamed. 

For worrying about what my children will wear for Christmas photos and what I will give them at Christmas.  For worrying at all.  Worry means something so different to her.  How I’ve misplaced this word.  A thousand times.   

She tells me The war took her father when she was 13

I want to take the cream from her and rub her feet.  Tell her I’m sorry.

Apologize for all of us, who come in complaining about our layered lives.  Asking that our chipped nails be filed and our eyebrows be waxed to perfection.

I tell her my mother is working in Cambodia close to the Thai border

She knows these places

She rubs my arms like I’m delicate

And I am

I have empty decorated bedrooms

Food on my table

Hot showers in mornings

Delicate

She tells me about her mother...that she died in Vietnam from heart failure.  That she was unable to be there with her. 

I think of my own mother in Cambodia holding a child’s hand.  A teachers hand.  Telling them a story.

I miss her.  Always so far from me.  Why Lord are some mothers so far from home, I ask.

The answer comes, “ALL my daughters are far from home”

And in that moment I know that the connections we make here on earth give us a better understanding of our HOME in heaven.  

I lean over and whisper to her.  What is your real name?     

Maybe the most beautiful gift we can give each other is not something that needs to be wrapped.  Maybe it’s something as simple as a conversation and the telling of a story.  The greatest story ever told wasn’t meant to be shared only on Christmas day in a church.  It was meant for the places we go every single day and for the women like us, who long for home.   

Luke 2:1-20

I am a Morning Light

While it’s still dark and the snow is falling gently outside of our windows I tip toe into my parents room and climb onto their bed.  I tickle my mom and dads backs until they wake up so I can present them with my very best work.     

My drawings.  

My name is Karen-Ann.  I am five years old and I am a morning light.   

What were you like as a little girl? Think of her on a typical morning.  What did she like to do?  Was she sweet?  Joyful?  Carefree?  Playful?  Creative?  Energetic?  

When did you stop being that little girl? 

I stopped being “HER”  in my 20’s.  Actually, it probably started in junior high when the teacher told my parents I was “boy crazy.”  It was true.  I cared about what boys thought.  I cared too much.  

I let one boys voice be more important than my own.  Louder than God’s...and my heart broke into a thousand little pieces.      

Shame held my hand for a long time.

I knew The Lord had forgiven me, but it was when I decided to forgive myself, that out of the dark emerged that beautiful little girl.  By the grace of God, He calls us back.  Back to the place where we are most alive.  Where we do our best work.  Where we can let go of shame and take the hand of freedom.     

The Lord speaks to His children in all different ways doesn’t He?  On this day, about a year ago, He called me back with this vision: The little girl ran to me and hugged me and I dressed her in a white gown.  I sent her back to all the people I had met over the course of my life.  She had so many words to speak.  So much joy to offer.  After each person she met, she would come back to Jesus for His blessing.  He would give her a lantern and she would go back and lay it at the persons feet.  Sometimes he would give her 4 or 5 or 20 lanterns and she would surround the person with them.  When she was finished she came back and sat on His lap.  He gave her a drink of water and said: “ now will you do my work?”  My answer, my voice as clear and confident as trumpets in heaven was “YES, Yes Lord!”  

My name is Karen-Ann.  I am forty years old and I am a morning light.    

What about you sweet friend?  Were you a little girl full of joy but something happened to you or you made some choices that would cloud that joy for a long long time.  

Call that little girl out of hiding.  She wants to reunite with you and speak.  Let her go to Jesus so he can place in her hands the light of his love to share with the world.  It’s not too late.  

That little girl has pictures to draw, songs to sing, people to love and lanterns to share.  

Maybe that little girl is YOU.  

When we wake up from the dark, we let our light shine!  

My name is __________I am ____ years old and I am a morning light. 

The Five Minute Marriage Makeover

I was going to blog about how after 11 years of marriage I fell madly in love with my husband all over again on our recent trip to Alaska, but I feel like that would be cheating. Of course you did, you might say. Anyone could fall in love on vacation without kids, surrounded by beauty and worrying about NOTHING. So I really thought about WHY I fell in love with him and more importantly HOW I could bottle up this feeling and make it last when we got back home to reality. Do you have 5 minutes to try this?  

Take the Five Minute Marriage Makeover!

MINUTE 1

LOOK AT YOUR HUSBAND. 

Yup that’s it.  Look at him.  Not just a quick glance.  Spend the entire minute looking at his face.  Look into his eyes.  A minute is a long time isn’t it? When’s the last time you stared at his face for a whole uninterrupted minute? Be honest.  Days? Weeks?  Years? Your wedding day? Keep looking. He does have beautiful eyes doesn’t he? Maybe he has some new lines on his face.  He works hard. Keep looking. Matthew 6:22 The eye is the lamp of the body.  If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.      

MINUTE 2 

SMELL YOUR HUSBAND

Ok, before you shut off your computer and mutter “weirdo” at the screen...just give it a chance.  I promise you this works!  

Smell his hair.  His neck.  His shirt.  JUST DO IT.  For a whole minute just breath him in. (WARNING: do not attempt minute 2 if your husband has just returned from a mountain trek for an entire week without running water.)  Genesis 3:16 Your desire shall be for your husband.

MINUTE 3

HOLD YOUR HUSBANDS HAND

Just hold it.  For a minute.  No talking.  No T.V.  No noise.  No phone.  Hold his hand.  Look out at the sky.  Notice the trees...how they sway in the wind.  Listen to the birds.  Your hand in his is part of the Lord’s plan. Feel that.  Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.   

MINUTE 4

SERVE HIM

Bring him some hot peppermint tea and drink it with him.  

Make him a sandwich. (oddly the key to many a man’s heart)

Anything that takes a minute. Make it.  Serve it.  Ephesians 5:22 Wives submit to your husbands as you do to The Lord.    

MINUTE 5

HELP HIM.

Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

God says that woman was created to be her husbands helper but how often do we ask what kind of help would be useful or valuable to our husband? I know I can get caught up in my own daily to-dos. I have a list a mile long of things I need to do to help my kids, but what about my husband? He came first before the kids were born. What about now? Where does your husband feel he ranks in your household?    

WHY do these 5 simple things work?  

Because that’s how you fell in love with him the first time.  

Our senses have a memory. Using them in a very simple and intentional way can bring you back. 

You stared at his handsome face. You inhaled his cologne.  You held his hand and felt like it fit like no other. You wanted to please him, to help him.  To stand along side him.  In 5 minutes I bet you knew he was “the one.”  He still is..but maybe the world came in like a wave and washed away those feelings? So many distractions pulling you apart.  Ya’ll, Alaska took my breath away. It was beautiful but that’s not what made me fall in love with my man. It was that all of the daily distractions were far from my mind and I was focused on him. Just him.  What if for a few minutes every single day you put all of your distractions away and just stand by your man. You don’t need to go to Alaska or Hawaii to reignite your passion for your marriage. You only need 5 minutes right here.  Right now. (p.s don’t be afraid to put your proverbial 1950’s housewife apron on, whisk the kids outside to play and lock the door!  That’s how our parents did it!   

Dear Lord Jesus.  Thank you for the gift of marriage. Help to heal and grow my marriage. Ignite in us a desire for each other.  A love and a bond that will strengthen and grow and not be broken. Help me to respect my husband. To honor him. To forgive him and love him. To see him as you have created him. Help me to stand back from myself and be my husbands greatest helper. Bind our marriage in a circle of love, faithfulness and trust that no-one and no thing can break.  Protect us Lord.  Use us.  Fill us.  That we may know you better. We give you the glory Lord forever and ever Amen.