Friends, this was a personal note I wrote last winter. More of a rambling than a letter. A dear friend was encouraged by it and suggested I share. Maybe it will resonate with you too. I am so grateful for all I have. I just don't want to be a slave to the things that in the end, won't really matter. I struggle all the time, but I'm learning to let go. How about you?
You are a safe place. A comfortable place. A warm place. A refuge from rain and heat, insects and amphibians! You hold our food, toys, toiletries and clothes. You are where we let go. Where we strip off the makeup and the smiles. Where we can rest, love, cry, and just work out all of our issues. But here’s the thing. As much as I love you and need you, I need boundaries.
I can no longer be a slave to you.
My soul craves freedom. Freedom from shining you, dusting you, obsessing over you. You steal my time, joy and energy. I want to just once be able to walk through you and not have to stop and worry that you need arranging and fixing, fluffing and trips to target to make you sing. The truth is, you are beautiful when we LIVE in you. When I say LIVE....I mean when we are free to be creative, make messes with paint slipping onto paper, laundry piled up because we’re running free outside, flour all over the kitchen because we’ve made pizza, books left in the corners of rooms, opened and calling. Rooms that invite us to get silly. Baths that are rimmed with bubbles. Candles that are burned to the wick.
I don’t want to have to worry about whether or not I have enough matching dishes to entertain a few guests or if you are perfectly picked up and scrubbed clean before a friend comes over. I won’t put my neighbor off again, just to satisfy your need to be worshipped. SHE comes first. Her words in my kitchen, her hands holding the coffee mug with the crack in it, pouring out her heart. SHE is worthy of my time. Not you.
Don’t call to me anymore.
Don’t tell me I SHOULD be cleaning the ceiling fans, washing the windows and scrubbing the floors. What I should be doing is writing down the words that feed my soul. What I should be doing is tickling my girls on the floor until they yell mercy. What I should be doing is cooking and leaving the dishes to go on a nature walk before dark.
What I want to be doing is NOT worrying about my house being good enough or pretty enough or clean enough or decorated enough. Because enough is enough.
And you are enough for the here and now. Because no matter how much time and energy I give to you, you will always just be a house. The HOME I long for, the one I’ve strived to have here, but can never achieve...is truly a place that doesn’t exist here on EARTH.
Letting go of perfection and embracing you as you are...
my messy LIVED IN house!
